How To Feel Better About Yourself Even When You Can't UA-23606192-1

How To Feel Better About Yourself Even When You Don’t Want To

Ever wondered how to feel better about yourself?

I used to.

Sometimes I felt bad because of what someone had said. Or because of what had happened. And sometimes I just had a miserable “down” feeling for no apparent reason.

how to feel better about yourself

You can feel better!

I don’t know if that has ever happened to you, but if it has then I know how it can make you feel.

But if you would like to know how to change that “I’d like to feel better about myself” feeling for one that makes you “good to go” you might want to check out my Easy Five Step Plan.

I developed this system for working on myself.  Now I use it to help my clients feel better about themselves. And it works.

The procedure described here is quite general…
… But there is information near the bottom of this page if you want to know how to make the method more specific to your own needs.


How To Feel Better About Yourself Even When You Don’t Want To

Sometimes we just can’t be bothered to change how we feel.

In a strange sort of way we can get comfortable being unhappy.  But if you just follow these five Steps you be able to change your mood almost in spite of yourself.

These are my five steps for how to feel better about yourself and more positive about things.

  1. Check Your Thinking
  2. Get Real
  3. Access The Available
  4. Approve The Whole Story
  5. Get Going

And here are the five steps explained.

Read through the whole system first so you know what is entailed. And then – when you are in real need of an emotional lift – actually follow each part as instructed.


FIRST Check Your Thinking

When it comes down to how we feel, our true strength lies in this – it is our attitude to what happens to us that affects us more than what actually happens.

To help me explain, just answer this question, and then check to see if you got the correct answer.



Which of these is the most serious:-

  • Becoming seriously ill with cancer,
  • Losing your house and becoming homeless,
  • Having the most favourite member of your family die,
  • Losing your job, or
  • Dropping a mirror in your home and seeing it shatter beyond repair.


None of the above is any more serious than the other. What makes something serious is simply how we feel about it.


Think I’m mistaken?  Are you wondering how someone can think that breaking a mirror is worse than becoming homeless?

But wait.  Check out what happened to psychologist Victor Frankl.

He was was “rounded up” with other Jews during World War 2 and put into a concentration camp.

Conditions were terrible.

  1. Fellow inmates were taken out regularly – apparently at random – and either punished, tortured or gassed to death.
  2. Health conditions were non-existent with dirty latrines used by hundreds of in-mates.
  3. Food was almost non existent and disease rampant.


And It Got Worse


And if that wasn’t bad enough, when the officers saw that he was surviving he was shipped out to another Concentration Camp. If possible the conditions there were even worse.

And then, eventually he was taken out to another different camp. And the same thing happened.

All in all he was incarcerated in FOUR different concentration camps under the worst of conditions.

And he survived each of them.

And in spite of suffering terrible conditions during those years, when he was finally freed he claimed that he had valued his experience because it allowed him to learn more about himself.

In the video below you will see and hear Victor Frankl talking about the Search for the meaning to life. It lasts for just 4 minutes.

I think you will find this video interesting.

He Is An Inspiration

Victor Frankl is an inspiration to many people.  He is a great person to advise you if you want to know how to feel better about yourself.

And here’s another thing:

An athlete (I cannot remember his name – please tell me if you know who it is) lost one of his limbs in an accident and he jokingly claimed that it was just his way of getting entry into the London Paralympics.

Even the most serious of tragedies can be treated in a healthy fashion.

And so, the First Step in how to feel better about yourself is this:-

If you feel down, or upset because of something that has happened to you, what I would like you to do is this…

Just acknowledge to yourself how you are feeling .. and remind yourself that you can change your feelings if you want to.

Victor Frankl lived through years of absolute hardship.

With the thing that is troubling you now, you don’t have to go to that extreme, but, if you decided to, you don’t have to feel bad about what has happened to you.

Just think about that for a moment and then move onto Step Two.



You probably know some people who have a good, strong character.

Of course, some characters are pompous, ignorant and boring. But I don’t mean people like that ;-)

By a good, strong character I am thinking of someone who;-

  • Is compassionate. He or she understands the importance of listening to and supporting anyone who needs help.
  • Is reliable. If he says he will do something you know it is as good as done.
  • Will stand up for what she believes in.
  • Is fair. He or she believes in being honest, just and supportive to those worse off than themselves.
  • And he or she respects himself.


How Does This Affect You?

How is your character? Do you feel it is “strong” enough?

Or would you like to give it a bit of a buzz and some reinforcement?

Because here is the thing.

Tests have shown that your character gets stronger each time you suffer a difficulty, or a problem, or a hardship and (this is important) you actually survive it.

Do you like parsnips? Or sprouts? Did you know that they actually taste better if they have “suffered” a hard frost during their growing period.

No frost for the parsnips – not as much taste.

No hardship in your life? Not as much character and inner strength!

And the thing is that hardships will eventually pass. And sometimes it is enough to keep the following phrase in your mind, “This too will pass”.

And so, take your Second Step`towards feeling better about yourself, and accept that no matter how bad things may seem, all you need to do is to just keep on keeping on and you will eventually  get through it.

Eventually – with the correct attitude, and dealing with your feelings (read on) things will definitely get better for you.

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THIRD Access The Available

Remember that we are always only given a problem in life that we have the strength to handle.

And so, in the Third step, bring your strengths and achievements to mind.

Draw upon your inner reserves. They are in there within you and so just let them out.

Take the Third Step and remember the previous incidents and problems you have already lived through.

And believe that you can do it again.

Just keep going.

Remember – the problem you are suffering from now will pass and you DO already have the strength inside you to be able to deal with it.


FOURTH Approve The Whole Story

I’ve spent a lot of time, studying, experimenting and furthering my knowledge about how to improve self esteem for myself and for my clients.

If you are interested you could read about improving your self esteem at one of my other websites How To Boost Self Esteem.

The thing is that no-one but ourselves can know just what we have gone through in our lives.

We are unique.

You are unique.

And you are the sum total of everything that has happened to you during your life (and – some believe – what happened to you before you were born as well!)

Who can say how anyone else would have turned out if they had gone through what you have been through. Possibly not as well as you have.

Accept yourself just the way you are. You can only move on in your life by starting from where you actually are.  Now.  Today.

What other people may say about you does not matter one jot.

The most important thing to accept is that what you say or think about yourself.  This really is an important part of feeling better about yourself.

And how you feel about yourself  is getting better by the minute.

The Fourth Step is to say to yourself  “Every day in every way I am getting better and better and better.”

The mind is a wonderful thing but it can only think of one thing at any one time.

Whenever you are worrying about part of your life, about something that is about to happen… about something that has happened… and even something that is happening right now – tell yourself, “Every day in every way I am getting better and better and better.


Say it over and over. Say it in your mind to yourself.
Say it out loud to yourself.
Say it to yourself while looking at yourself in the mirror.
Write it down and then read it out loud.
Make this phrase an important part of your life….
“Every day in every way I am getting better and better and better.”


And then, once the pain and hurt of the thing you have been suffering from has lost its power (even if by only a small amount) go onto the next step…


how to feel better about yourself and have better relationships

FIFTH Get Going

Feeling bad does not like activity.

Activity gets your circulation going and takes your mind off what you have been worrying about.
The right sort of activity also releases endorphins into your body which will actually have the effect of making you feel better!

Having gone through the first four steps (above), all you need to do now is to get up and get with it by actually doing something.

What sort of things can you do to show you how to feel better about yourself?


Here are some suggestions:-

  • Take a relaxing bath. Put some music on and make sure you will not be disturbed and have a good soak.
  • Get dressed up. Wear the favourite clothes you have that make you feel good. Once you are dressed up and feeling that you look good – go out! Explore the area. Look for someone to help or be with etc etc
  • Go for a walk, or a bike ride, or if you have some training weights (they don’t have to be heavy – a can of beans will do) – have a work-out.
  • Put on some music and dance.
  • Have a good laugh. Watch a comedy. Play a lighthearted joke on someone. Go and smile at ten people – try to make them laugh.
  • Do a good deed for someone (without them knowing who has done it)
  • Do some gardening
  • Do anything that gets your body moving and your adrenalin pumping (of course if you are not used to exercise check with your doctor first).
  • Have a massage. Pamper yourself.

Does it matter what you do?

No, it doesn’t matter exactly what you do.

The important thing is that you get yourself moving and doing something different, and something that you will enjoy.
And while you are doing your activity, keep reminding yourself that “Every day in every way I am getting better and better and better.”

And be happy – because it is definite that you WILL get better and better each and every day.

Those are my five steps for how to feel better about yourself.

But, here is the thing:-


NEXT Start From Here

Don’t wait until something major happens to you before you start using these five steps.
Don’t wait until you suffer a major trauma before you do something about how you are feeling.
Start from where you are.
Start today!

Start with something small…. practice changing how to feel better about yourself.
Maybe it is a rainy day and you wanted to go work outside… Take the Five Steps.
Maybe you notice that you have a spot on the end of your nose…. Take the Five Steps.
Whenever something you wanted to happen doesn’t happen… Take the Five Steps

You are in charge of how you feel.


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Start practicing being in control of your moods and feelings. You will love yourself for it.

To be honest, the above method about how to feel better about yourself may not work the first time you try it. And there are a few reasons for this. But practically every time the reason can be fixed.

If you would like help in changing your feelings just send me the details via my contact page.

Let me know about the feeling you want to change and how you felt after you had finished the five step process. I will be sure to get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

You are a special and a unique person.

Each time you follow the above steps you r character and strength will grow a little bit more and you will be lead a little farther towards knowing how to feel better about yourself

Just be kind to yourself. You have my permission to do so. And just follow these Steps.

If you have enjoyed reading about how to feel better about yourself, please leave a comment below. And maybe you would like to click on the “like” button as well.


I specialise in
Pain Relief and Repair,
Overcoming emotional and physical problems to get your life on track.
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The Great Gordino
Hi Dave, Great title, and great post! I find some of these points hugely beneficial, particularly from my own experience - Understanding why you feel bad, and the idea of taking action, which gets the body and mind stimulated. Good tips well worth following, thanks for the reminder! cheers, Gordon Reply
Dave E Wilkes
Hi Gordon Thanks for calling by and leaving a comment. You are so right. Many of us just feel bad when things don't go the way we want them to, and we don't even realise that we can change that feeling. It is so much better to feel good instead of feeling bad. And I love your 60 years Goal Achievement Classic!! Reply